If i could tip my vagina, i would.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
