I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
