your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
