my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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