All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
