Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize