I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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