Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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