GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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