I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
