how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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