did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
