There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
