and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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