You can't motorboat a personality
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
