You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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