Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
