1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
