Soap is not a condiment
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize