you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
