Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
