That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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