hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
