Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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