Come see our sink grown plant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
