oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
