...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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