We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
