my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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