be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
