I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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