I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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