just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
