Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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