90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
