I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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