I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
