Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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