Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
