It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
