how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
