So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize