Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
