Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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