You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
wow bdsm is so cute
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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