please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
