yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
