I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
