Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
