my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
