Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
