I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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