How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
