dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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