and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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