He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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