You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When are your genitals available?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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