Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
