Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
