Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
