the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
