Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize