O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
