I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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