i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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