I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
