I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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