Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
