I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
