Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
