At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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