I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
