hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Randomize
