I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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