Well douche your snatch and let's go!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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