I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
