the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
