I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
