I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
