You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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