Duck Duck Cougar?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
