If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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