i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
